Television Tax

After living in our apartment for over a year, a notice came, explaining that we owed 461 shekels, because we had failed to pay our television tax.

Like everyone, my mailbox is not a place for receiving correspondents, but instead a drop box for bills. Even my elderly grandmother would sooner write me an email then send me a hand written letter.

So when leaving the apartment there is an ominous feeling when an envelope can be seen poking its mischievous white head out of the slot...just laughing and mocking me.

There is always something very confusing about receiving bills.

The idea that you have to pay for water, or electricity, or gas. These things which feel equally as ubiquitous as air, and just as necessary, surely they should be free. But of course they need to be supplied, and as such, come with a fee.

Bills always have charts and dates, explaining how much of whatever it is, you have consumed, and what the current rate for this amount is, along with a series of taxes, and other random but relatively small charges.

Basically, if the amount owed seems reasonable, I just assume its right, as I suspect most people do. I may grumble a little about making sure we turn off the lights when we leave rooms, or the importance of not wasting water, but in the end, I just pay the stupid things and move on.

But when you live in Israel, and your Hebrew isn't all that it should be, bills in the mail can be a complete mystery.

After a few minutes, I can usually figure out what the bill is for, but then begins the process of understanding, exactly what we owe, and until when we have to pay.

"Is our electric bill 120 shekels?" I will ask my wife, "Does that sound right?"

"No", she will say, "That says we payed 120 shekels last month, this month it is 97."

"Then whats this 50 shekels here?"

"I'm not sure, maybe that's what we have to pay if we are late? No, no, its a tax...or something like that."

So you can imagine how confused I was, holding this strange bill, for a television tax I had never heard of.

I thought I was reading it wrong. Or maybe it was a scam. Or a weird mistake.

Who has ever heard of a T.V. tax?

"Whats it for?", my wife asked.

"For the T.V. ", I said.

"Are you sure?"

"That's what it says."

"But we don't own a T.V."

"That's a good point," I said.

So, after checking with some of my Israeli friends, and discovering that the bill was real, I called them up.

I said I received this bill in the mail, and I want answers. They said that I hadn't paid my television tax and that it is passed due. I owed 461 shekels, and I needed to pay soon, or I may incur late charges.

I explained that I didn't own a T.V. and that I didn't think I should have to pay. They agreed, and asked me to fax them a letter stating this, but they warned that it was in their right to come and check, and if a T.V. was found in the house, I could be charged a severe penalty.

So I clarified.

You see, I do have a television. It belonged to my wife's brother, who used to live in Israel, but has since moved to Canada. We don't have cable, and have tried and failed to get any kind of watchable reception, so the T.V. sits in a closet and is never used.

I said that in all honesty there is a television in the house, but that it was only being stored and wasn't plugged in, and in actuality doesn't even belong to me in the first place. I argued that it really wouldn't be fair to tax me simply for storing it, and besides, WHO HAS EVER HEARD OF A TELEVISION TAX ANY WAY!

They said that any television in the house made me responsible for payment.

I asked what I thought was a very persuasive question.

"What if I were to take the T.V. outside my apartment front door and put it in the hallway. Would I have to pay then?"

"No", they said, "but the T.V. is not in the hallway, is it?"

"No, it isn't", I said defeated.

Like everything in Israel, I accepted that I had to pay, but didn't accept the price. I haggled, and ultimately we settled on 189 shekels.

Tomorrow I will probably get a bill in the mail, reminding me to pay my shoe tax, or table tax, or refrigerator tax... or the you-should-have-never-moved-to-this-crazy-country tax...

And I will probably just pay the stupid thing.